I’ve spent the entirety of my career learning to grow in differentiation of self. Coined by Murray Bowen, founder of family systems theory, differentiation of self is the ability to hold onto ourselves—our own choices, desires, and goals—in intimate relationships and within the systems we’re a part of. It’s maintaining our own thoughts and feelings, then allowing others to do the same without having to sacrifice our relationships when our thoughts and feelings differ.

Applying this idea to my marriage, family, businesses, church participation, and career as a helping professional, I’ve learned how to be both responsible to others as well as responsible for myself. I’ve become attuned to my own values, thoughts, goals, patterns, and internal processes. I've self-reflected, experimented, and assessed for my emotional, relational, and spiritual growth. I’ve spent thousands of hours practicing being what Ed Friedman called a non-anxious presence as I’ve counseled, taught, and coached others—first in the therapy room and a local school, recovery home, and jail, and then in private practice, the local church, and in business and higher educational settings.  

Through my own spiritual formation, systemic understanding, and successes and failures along the way, I’ve discovered the joys of healthy relating, the strength of my gifts when stewarded well, and the limitations of my humanity. Today, I enjoy coaching individuals, supporting others’ stories of formation, and sharing my professional and practical knowledge for the holistic benefit of others.